Everybody in This House is Mad—Meet the cast

Welcome to the Johnsons’ house. where sanity knocks, hears one argument, and runs for its life.

I don’t live there.
God forbid. Tueh
But I watch them. Closely. Carefully. Like it’s my 9-to-5 job that doesn’t pay salary but pays in premium entertainment.

Every morning, I sit on my balcony with a chilled bottle of malt and my special notebook titled “Things That Should Not Be Happening, But Are.”
Their house is directly opposite mine.

It doesn’t have a gate.
It doesn’t need one.
The drama is too big to be caged.
And the madness needs ventilation.


They live in a face-me-I-slap-you building in Ayedere, and somehow every single room contributes its own quota of lunacy.
The compound itself deserves a therapist.

Some say I’m obsessed.
Some say I need to mind my business.
Well, if you’ve ever seen Baba Johnson trying to escape in torn boxers or Ajoke chasing a man barefoot with her wig in her hand, you’d watch too.

This isn’t a house.
It’s a reality show that refused to sign out.
They fight. They reconcile. They fight again.
It’s like Big Brother Naija but with less class and more pepper

Who am I?

That’s not important.
Just call me Lagbaja.
Your eyes, your ears, and your unpaid, unbothered narrator.
If FBI needed a civilian agent in Ayedere, I’m the shortlist.

So, before I tell you what happened this morning
Meet the Cast.


Johnson Adio (a.k.a. Baba Joke) : The Father and the Chief Commander of Irresponsibility

Short. Fat. Sweaty. With a head that looks like a GENERATOR TANK..the big “I better pass my neighbour” type.
He walks like rent is due on his knees and talks like his mouth is tired of his decisions.

If you’ve ever seen a man who looks permanently tired but somehow still finds the strength to chase anything in skirt, this is your guy.

He’s well known in Ayedere. Not for honor. Not for wisdom.
But for owing beer parlour women, dodging debt, and being spotted at corners he has no business in, especially when it’s someone else’s wife bending to pick something.

Yes, he goes to church.
But we all know he’s only there because he has been “led by the spirit”…..to the pastor’s wife.

At home, he contributes N200.
Outside, he contributes N20,000.
But somehow, he's always shouting "things are hard."

He claims to be “head of the house,” but Iya Joke drags his trouser like she’s his landlord.
Even his belt is tired.

He fights with his wife every week. Reconciles once a month.
The only consistent thing about Baba Joke is his inconsistency.
That and his round stomach that looks like it swallowed calabash

When he’s not arguing, he’s sleeping.
And when he’s not sleeping, he’s somewhere being an embarrassment.



Johnson Patience (a.k.a. Iya Joke) : The Noise Generator in Chief

Imagine thunder wearing an ankara wrapper and shouting your name at 6 a.m. That’s her.
Iya Joke. The woman whose voice alone has ended three marriages in the compound.

Light-skinned face, dark-skinned legs. she’s the original two-tone colour blocking.
She walks like the road offended her and talks like everyone owes her money.

In the morning, she sells vegetables.
By afternoon, she’s distributing insults per kilogram.
By evening, she's leading worship like she didn't just threaten someone with hot water.

Gossip? It’s not just a hobby. It’s her cardio.
She knows who’s cheating, who’s broke, who’s pretending, and who farted during morning devotion

She beefs half the women in Ayedere,
And they beef her back with interest.
But she doesn’t care. She’ll fight you today, hug you tomorrow, and still plan your downfall before Sunday service.

She chases her kids with broomsticks, buckets, and once..a full pestle.
Because why not?
Motherhood is war.

She’s married to Baba Joke, but she still introduces him as: “That mistake I made in 1996.”
And Baba? He just keeps quiet. Because even the devil doesn't argue with her.

Her mood changes faster than NEPA light,
One minute she’s swearing, Next minute she’s blasting Tope Alabi worship songs like angels are watching.

The truth?
She’s loud. She’s wild. But she’s the engine oil of that madness.
Without Iya Joke, the Johnsons would just be mad… silently.


Ajoke – First Born, CEO of Chaos and Soft Life Ambassador

Busty. Beautiful. Bold. Bad
She’s not just the first daughter...she’s the family’s original sin.

Ajoke doesn’t date boys.
She collects them
One for data. One for shawarma. One for rent.
And one for what she calls “emotional maintenance”...but we all know what that means.

She walks around the compound like Instagram gave her a contract.
Mini skirt, crop top, lashes that look like wipers on speed.
Every step she takes is a soft-life declaration.
Every chewing gum pop is a warning shot.

She dropped out of school to “focus on herself” (a.k.a focus on rich men).
Now she has more boyfriends than Glo has recharge cards.
And each one thinks he’s the only one..until they show up at the same time.

She calls her mum “that woman” like they’re co-tenants.
Calls her boyfriends “investments” and her siblings “background noise.”

Rumours say she’s a runs girl.
She doesn’t argue. She just adjusts her waist and says:

“Abeg, wetin concern your papa?”


Ajoke is loud, proud, and permanently on “hot girl mode.”
If pepper had a child, it would be Ajoke.



Johnson Femi (a.k.a Femo Lala) - Second Born, Minister of Flirtation and Failed Potential

Ah, Femo.

Baba Johnson Version 2.0...but with tighter trousers and louder perfume. The one that chokes
The kind of guy that winks at a woman and you hear “this boy is not serious” echoing from three houses down.

No work, no business plan, but somehow he always smells like Dubai mall.
Where the money comes from? Even EFCC has given up.

He doesn’t hustle. He seduces.
Sugar mummies? Present.
Aunties? Accounted for.
Even one choir mistress accidentally fell into his arms during “laying of hands.”

He once enrolled in a tech bootcamp.
Now, the only thing he codes is:
“Good morning beautiful”



If there’s a woman in sight, Femo has a plan.
He flirts like it’s a side hustle. And his CV reads: “Experience: Bedroom Diplomacy. Skills: Whispering sweet nonsense and disappearing after transfer.”

He believes in waist beads over WAEC results,
Instagram DMs over JAMB,
And towel + baby oil combo as valid currency.

Femo Lala: Loverboy by day, Loverboy by night, and Disgrace to serious men everywhere.

Johnson Boluwatife – Third Born, Yahoo Boy in Gentleman Disguise

This one is a calm storm.
He acts quiet. Smiles like he’s in an advert for colgate
Calls his mum “ma” and helps her carry tomatoes like a responsible child. But deep down? He’s a certified fraudster with angelic packaging.

Don’t let the innocent face fool you.
Bolu can flash a charming smile while stealing your OTP.

He’s into Yahoo. Into gadgets. Into deleting alerts.
He steals from his parents and still joins them for midnight prayers shouting,

“Every spiritual thief in this house, fall down and die”

He’s in 300 level at university.
Nobody knows what he’s studying.
Not even him.

His CGPA is on life support,
But he can unlock an iPhone with a toothpick and fake an alert that will make Zenith Bank salute him.

He has a crush on a girl. A fine one.
But every time he sees her, his confidence disappears like bank balance after Black Friday.

He can scam a pension fund but can’t say “I like you.”
He knows how to hack CAC, but “Hi” is too hard for him.



If they ever do “Fraud with Kindness Awards,” Bolu will win and still hack the voting system.

Bolu: The boy your parents warned you about, disguised as the boy they pray for.


Johnson Debowale (a.k.a. Shadow) – Fourth Born

Let me be honest:
Even I don’t watch this one too closely.
I like my bones unbroken.

Debowale...better known as Shadow...is not your regular child.
His name alone can cause earthquake. He doesn’t walk. He arrives.
And when he enters a place, even mosquitoes stop buzzing.

He’s been arrested so many times that when police see him now, they just say,

“Shadow, you don come again?”

Leader of a cult group.
Works for politicians during elections.
Carries weapons like fashion accessories and has tattoos so confusing, even Google gave up.

But guess what?

This agent of wahala becomes Hello Kitty when it comes to his mother.

Insult Iya Joke..even by mistake...and you might just end up as breaking news.
Word on the street is he once beat someone because the guy said “what’s up” too confidently to her.

Shadow no dey smile.
But for Iya Joke, he turns teddy bear.
A heavily-armed teddy bear with trust.

Johnson Damilare – Last Born, The One That Gives Us Hope

Now this one?

This one gives us emotional damage.

He doesn’t fit in at all.
We strongly suspect the nurse made a mistake at the hospital.
Because how do you explain someone so calm, polite, and intelligent living in this war zone?

While others are chasing women, fraud and cultism,
Damilare is chasing JAMB scores, scholarships, and Jesus.

He prays. He studies. He carries cement like offering, sells gala with a smile, fixes keke like a mechanic with a dream...just to pay his school fees.

He wants to be a surgeon.
But he lives in a house where everybody needs deliverance first.

They call him:

“Pastor.”
“Reverend Cement.”
“No-you-sabi-pass.”
"Holy Holy”


They mock him. He just nods… and continues fasting.

And one day, one sweet day, when he finally escapes this compound?

We are throwing a party.
And not just any party.
A praise and worship night.


That’s the Cast. That’s the Chaos. That’s the Beginning.

Now that you’ve met the suspects, brace yourself.

Because in Episode 1, Baba Johnson tries to sneak out of the house quietly…

But Iya Johnson grabs his sokoto and demands egusi money.


Stay tuned.
The madness is just beginning.